mcmahonishott

When McMahon Industries announced this winter that it would be hosting a Mousetrap Car Competition in February, a few daring souls answered the call to create a vehicle unlike any has ever seen. Unfortunately, these souls were Sam Simon and Brent Thompson. Deciding on the name Team Mensa, which would turn out to be devastatingly ironic, the duo quickly began setting up operation in a small town near Tamarac, Florida where ideas flowed as heavily as the obscenities. After conducting some "completely legal" transactions, the crew was armed to the teeth with brand-new materials in order to give birth to their creation, and to shove it in everybody's face. In an unprecedented amount of time, the team had assembled and finalized the propulsion system as well as the state-of-the-art axel set-up. Almost immediately after the blistering start, an agreement on how to "make it look totally sweet" raged out of control and an agreement could not be reached. Production was put on hold for months. The project resumed when the partners reached a decision of "whatever, forget it" and moved on. 7 months behind schedule, construction of the body commenced. Working ceaselessly on little sleep and a box of Moonpies, the prototype began to take shape. However, the good times would not last. A dark cloud would soon descend upon them, and they did not have their metaphorical umbrellas.



The troubles began with the motor. The "Hemp-Rope Configuration" soon proved to be a bit harder to handle than the team expected. "This is proving to be a bit harder to handle than we expected", sighed Simon as he struggled to pull his accidentally Super Glued fingers apart. After several tests, the rope was not operating under optimal "wrapping" conditions and a new "fishing line" apparatus was brought in to replace the rope. Unbeknownst to them, this simple change would be the death knell for the project. Fitted with the new "Fishing Line Accelerator", the vehicle was finally given a test run. A test run...of doom. The new "F.L.A." overwhelmed the structure and the integrity of the body was severely compromised. "Holy crap, we ripped a hole right through it", exclaimed Thompson. Simon could not be reached for comment at this point, as he was busy having a nervous breakdown. Burned out from the hellish task of affixing a new set of wheels after the initial pair disintegrated in his hands, Simon barricaded himself into a supply closet and muffled his sobs with a handful of leftover Moonpies. "Poor guy's really taking this hard.", mumbled a visibly upset Thompson. "Mistakes are just part of the process. Granted, he accidentally killed three assistants while applying scotch tape to the wheel base...but we gotta move on." After patching up the damage, Thompson finally coaxed Simon out of the closet, and they embraced for an uncomfortable length of time. Although the duo was back on track, the car would never be the same again.




Way over budget and under investigation for manslaughter, Team Mensa had beaten the odds and called their ex-girlfriends to brag about how awesome they now were. In a media frenzy, Thompson and Simon introduced their creation to the world; a beast so magnificent, a fitting name could not be given to it - no moniker could do it justice. So, the creators simply reffered to it by it's code name used during the experimental stages:

1337


Specs:

• Two reinforced, holy water infused disks of unfathomable fury capable of searing the flesh of the damned. Also used for wheels.
  
  
• Body (or "fuselage" if you want to sound pretentious): Unique, alloy-blended frame specially engineered to resemble cardboard to throw off it's competitors.
  
  
• Energy Output: M.O.U.S.E.T.R.A.P. ( Manifold Overdrive Uber System of Electromagnetic Turbo-boosted Retractable Acceleration Particles)
  
  
• Rugged Good Looks
  
  
• Libra

The Day Of Reckoning: "It's Go Time"

"System Online!", cried Simon into the radio as Thompson adjusted his ear plugs. After a few deep breaths, Simon traded "thumbs-up" signs with his partner and calmly flipped the switch. His blender roared to life. A few minutes later, with the faulty wiring hook-up fixed, Simon flipped the switch again. To a crowd of nearly 4, 1337's full power was unleashed, producing a shockwave so massive it loosened the bowels of all in attendance. Rocketing off the starting line, it reached a maximum speed of almost 3 inches per second. It's Herculean performance hushed the crowd, sucking the very air out of their lungs. Hurtling toward a triumphant finish, the machine never left the intent stare of the anxious crew who monitored it's every move. Then, inevitability struck. Stunned spectators could do nothing but watch as the 1337 gently began to curve. "Dear sweet God", muttered Simon as he slowly removed his glasses in a dramatic fashion. 1337's previous malfunctions had taken it's toll, and it was racing to it's tragic fate. Unable to remain stable, the 1337 smashed into a retaining wall in a shower of debris and sparks. It was obliterated in seconds. "It was a thrilling end to an equally thrilling journey" , remarked Thompson, a bit teary eyed. "Definitely a life changing event", replied Simon, his gaze fixed on the orange horizon. "We put our whole being into the 1337. My entire life for the last several months was that car. I put all I had into it. Now...it's over. But the explosion sure was wicked cool."




( Now what does this have to do with Physics, you ask? HA. NERD. Click Here )